You took me in almost 20 years ago,
Like a puppy on the side of the road
That was abandoned and abused

 I misbehaved, treated you poorly
Thinking you would just hurt me
So I hurt you.

But you never gave up on me
Even when I did.

And now almost 20 years later,
I finally let you pet me;
I let you love me
I let me love you

And what surprised me most
Was how, like a puppy,
You began shaking in excitement
Because I pet you.

Out of curiosity, what do people think about going to the movies by yourself?

DEM FEELINGS

- April to May 14th was one of the worst times in my life. But somehow, someway, out of nowhere, I became happy. And each day it gets better. I feel something at the works here. And I won’t question it anymore than “How can I spread this to other people?” (since you know it isn’t an std or something so it is okay)

DAT BELIEF

- I have a better stance on belief: I think god only intervenes when necessary and not all the time. I do believe he has a presence at all times, like a guard in a tower watching over, but only intervenes when necessary. If he were there to do all the work for you, what would there be left to do? You need to realize that YOU YOURSELF have the potential to do some kickass shit on your own. Seriously.
~Basically, he’s your bro when you need help summed up.
~But like any man, I still do not have a ‘best-fit’ answer for my belief. And that’s alright. This year alone has done a LOT of harm when it comes to what I believe in, but it scarred up into something quite nice (as odd as that sounds).

ALL THE  LOVEZ

I’m beginning to see just how easily I can love people, and people can love me. But, of course, there are different levels.
LEVEL ONE: That person looks lovely.
LEVEL TWO: This person is my friend.
LEVEL THREE: I’m beginning to love this friend and accept them fully.
LEVEL FOUR: I love this friend.
LEVEL FIVE: This person is my best friend. They are a part of me.
LEVEL SIX: I can’t describe the relationship we have. It’s almost romantic, but platonic, so intimate, yet so far. There is no exact word, just endless phrases. The only thing that could come close to describing this is the look in my eye, and our contact.

It does sound weird to have levels, but once you think about it, a lot of relationships work this way. And anyone can make it, regardless of orientation, gender, whatever. Though, level six is still an oddity. But I love it wholly.

DAMN BEAUTY, YOU EVERYWHERE

I’m beginning to realize how much beauty I can see now. I appreciate things more. I want to take part in it, even if I’m an amateur, or bashed with paintbrushes when I mention photoshop (but I still love her anyway hehe).

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

-Shit will get better. Have faith in yourself and in your life it will. And if you don’t think so, I’ll add some sunshine for you.

I am some pretty damn good friends.

But when I say that, I don’t mean “I have like 309248302948 friends!” Not at all. If you determine how many friends you have based on the ones you have on facebook, then you may need to look at who’s just a picture and who is actually your friend. I’ll use my own facebook as an example.

I currently have 129 friends. Well, if you can call them all that. It’s more accurate to say something like “people that acknowledge my existence sometimes.” since I don’t really find myself talking to a majority of them. So what’s the point of having people you don’t talk to, and can you really call them your friend?

Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve deleted well over 100+ people in the course of my history because, well, I see no reason in keeping ‘connections’ with people I know aren’t close to me, or that I at least won’t ever talk to again in my life. It seems people are more interested in the number of friends they can know on just face value than they can know deeper down.

I’ll say it now: I don’t understand anyone who has over 300 friends, and that still sounds way over the limit to me. How many of them do you actually talk to? How many do you care about? Do you even KNOW this person? Ever said anything other than “Hi” the first time you met and never talked with them again? The higher the count, the lower the value, it seems.

Now, coming back to my statement about having some damn good friends. And when I say friends, I mean people that know too much about me for their own good, and for some odd reason still love me for it. People that I have told my darkest secrets to, people that I have known for years and grown up with, people I met just this freshman year that invigorate the hell out of my mind and am able to talk about on a deep-space level. People that accept me for the crazy bastard I am. And hell, I love them all right back even more so it’s practically a tug of war between the two of us that will always be a win-win situation.

But, how many friends fill that category? Few. Why? Because, they are special to me. They have somehow, someway, wiggled into the maze of my heart and made it into the center. And that’s hard, to love someone else just to love them. Not romantically even, but just genuine love.

And I don’t mind there being only a few people I consider [close] friends. Because it just makes room for more love for just them. Because I know they won’t abuse it. They actually care about me, want to talk to me, want to smile with me, want to walk with me, just want to be around me.

And sometimes, I always wonder who will be next to make it through the maze. There have been some potentials, but really, I’m not too worried about it. If they want to make it, all they have to do is talk to me. That’s it. And we’ll see where it goes from there. I don’t have rules or limitations; I’m open to all. But even if there aren’t any, I’d be content where I am.